Quarter life crisis!!!!

Have you ever felt like you are overloaded with responsibilities all of a sudden?When you need to make those "duty" calls to people whom you don't even know,when you got to think for 5 people before you decide on something, when the "I think" becomes "We think", when you feel like you are doing things more for others than for yourself!!!! Well, its official.. I have been hit by the quarter life crisis!!! I have been trying to push the thought out of my mind for the past year (that's when I hit 25), but it keeps catching up!!!Not that I shy away from responsibilities, but sometimes it gets to you.Its then when you think of your carefree days of the past.You think of things that you did when you were in your ahem.. ahem.. early 20's.Small things bought a lot of joy then.Weekends were blissful days...and you made meticulous plans.. with clockwork precision.Movies, Shopping, Coffeshops and restaurants were the favourite haunts.I still remember the fun I had with my friends - cooking was fun,housekeeping was fun and even work was fun!!! There were crazy times too - like when it was someone's bday, everyone had a blast.There was the "surprise" cake-cutting (invariably the person knew the cake was coming -yet managed to act surprised).Then there were brain-storming sessions - the majority of all these sessions had one topic "solving boyfriend related issues"!!! Discussions ranged from about who likes who, whether its right to like someone, how to go about your first date to solving breakup issues.And all those late-night gossip... with bowls of maggie that lasted upto 6:00 in the morning and oh my, the crazy disco sessions!!!!Did we ever have any issues then - I often think.It doesn't seem like we had any.. or even if we did, we always believed they were somehow solvable.Those days seem way long ago now.

Things seemed changed now and I said earlier its not only the responsibility part.It's I guess you being accountable for your actions and also the fact that your actions have a lot of impact on many people's life.Its like a avalanche effect..small things get blown out of proportion.Somehow, you are expected to be act in accordance to others thoughts.There are people telling you to plan your future (did we even have to be bothered about what we were going to do the next day back then???).A few relationships become the very core of your existence.You are expected to do a balancing act every now and then.

But yeah, I guess its plain human tendency to always look back at things and wonder how nice they were.The key I think is to be grounded and let all this not affect your core-self.Even during this phase, you have people around you who love you and always will stand upto you, come what may- I guess you just need to take that into account and get over with it.Maybe when I am 50 and facing my mid-life crisis, this would look trivial!!!!!

Social networking - can(not) be with(out)

Well, I should definitely thank Ashik for this topic.He was the one who sparked me off to writing this (when I was racking my brains as to what to write and was completely dried out with respect to writing) , when he sent me an invite to join the group "My parents are in facebook"!!!!

It started out as a normal breezy boring day with me performing the ritual of opening every online link that I had to check my mails.I have to admit, I am hooked on to my laptop.Every day starts and ends with my laptop(no offence meant to Nivedh ;)).My laptop has become as indispensable to me as my coffee.So it was the opening of my accounts, checking for emails, adding remotely associated people as friends, dropping a "hi" here, a "nice-picture" there, "congrats" and all that jazz;When I noticed something that really had me taken aback.I saw this seemingly innocent message that said "1 friend request" in my facebook profile.Curious to know how many more people I know out there on the world wide web, I clicked on the link.And wasn't I surprised when I saw the request was from my dad!!! How cool is that ???? or hold on was it so cool after all ;).But wait, at this point I have to truly commend my dad in being so tech-savy-and-net-updaty.Well done Appa!!!!!I am proud of you :)

On the other hand, I was also little apprehensive.I am sure that all the guys who use facebook and other social networking sites agree with me and are able to connect to my feelings when I say that "its dangerous to have your relatives (ahem... I stress on the fact that relatives here definitely refer to the generation before us) as your friends".I definitely am not suggesting that we try hiding anything at all from them but its just the feeling of "being-watched", I should say!!!!My initial reaction was "Appa is good, he is on facebook" but then even when I said that I had a tiny feeling in my head that said "is it really that good after all".I didn't have anything scandalous (no pictures, no messages, no groups) at all, not even anything INTERESTING.Then why was I worried???? I don't know.

Delving deeper, why are we so hooked on to an online space??? What is so fascinating about it??? Accepted that you connect with friends who are miles apart, and can interact in the same way as you would if they are in the same room.So what??You are forced to look at others pictures and comment on them (you can't but be good, however much you hate the person, you can't write a bad comment, oh no!!!! there are better ways to treat your enemy!!!!), send stickers, gifts, take bizarre quizzes (Who even wants to know who you were in your previous birth???? or know which sex and the city character you are???), poke people, send martinis and beers,read your daily horoscope, put our funky cool status messages and a lot more.Nevertheless, I have done all of these things!!!!I guess all of us find sanctuary in these virtual worlds.There is something very techno-funky about setting a spot-on status message or getting peoples attention by a cute profile picture.I feel your space in this make-believe world is a reflection of your personality or rather how you want other people to perceive you.You are cool if you have shit loads of friends in your list (many of whom you have not even bothered to say hi to after your initial acceptance).The more profile visits you have,the more "wanted" you become among your group and the more interactive you are on your cyber space, the more social you are perceived as!!!

It was a lot earlier snail mail, then a bit earlier it was the e-mail and now its the social networking sites we use, to communicate anything to our group of friends.No one really bothers to send e-mails now.Announce an engagement - its just a matter of changing your status to "committed" and everyone knows!!!!!You got a baby - put up a cute profile pic with you and your baby posing away (or) a simple status message that says "It feels great to be a dad!!!" and bingo, work finished.It is a lot easier to announce that you are single again as well - status goes from "committed" to "single" and presto I swear you will be asked out to dinner the following Saturday!!!You want to invite guests to a party - simple - just create a group event and send out invites, you can even track who all are coming!!!!Its a very shameless way of flaunting all your achievements (and otherwise) ;) and it is very simple as well.One liners have long lost their glory as being pick-up lines.Now a one liner strictly refers to the attention grabbing status messages that you can possibly have on your profiles.

But I cant keep away from it, even if it means I am wasting my time.I have, like many others, fallen a prey to the addictive effects of the networking sites.What started off as a hobby has translated into an habit!!!!

OK... someone has left a comment on my photo and I need to check what it is .....

(It was, It is, and It will be)

Reflections - Is it wrong to be always right?

What is right and what is wrong?Its pretty interesting when we look at it because its never that easy to generalise.Things that are right for me may not be right for you.How did these lines of discrimination come up?Who was so jobless enough to segregate things and actions into right and wrong ones? and even if there was such a jobless person who actually did this exercise - why should I listen to him?I do things that I feel are right for me.If me doing something does no harm to others and if my conscience allows it, I consider it to be right(now guys don't you drift off into extremely complicated issues that involve sadistic intentions - my earlier statement was not meant to point in that direction at all).

Well let me put it this way, there are three types of actions classified based on the implications that they cause (remember Newtons 3 rd Law :Every Action has an equal and opposite reaction??), so we have class 1 actions which influence the society in which we live, class 2 actions that influence our friends and close circle and class 3 actions that influence our closest kith and kin.People generally do not imply the right or wrong(further referred as ROW) thought process when they have to do a class 1 action.In the case of class 2 action, well people do think about their reactions and apply ROW principle, with class 3 there is a big deliberation about the ROW principle.

Now my question is : Is it right to go ahead with your action when it is class 3 and the result after application of ROW rule is no? Personally I feel its not wrong to do so.Having said that I would also add that you have to make yourself immune to the reactions that your actions can trigger.You cant eat your cake and have it too, can you?

After reading so much of my analysis, I can understand if you are thinking "What has gone wrong with her? has she lost it completely?" , but think of a situation when you have stopped yourself from doing something because you dread the reactions.I am not saying its right or wrong to have behaved in such a way because situation plays a major role in this and then there are always these transitional states where right things are construed wrongly.So I would say "Its right to be always not wrong"

A highly bored and heavily sedated me (sedation strictly due to non-alcoholic reasons).

Random notes - Snow.

Its every girls dream... flakes of snow falling like soft feathers.. like somebody has set off the candy floss machine up above (and forgot to put in the bright pink colour!!!!)...the whole place is covered with a pristine white carpet.. so white that it dazzles the eye... you wonder if white could be any whiter????The trees are iced with them....making them look like a part of a huge marzipan cake...the whole place from a birds eye view looks like a bowl of cereal drenched in milk...(I know it sounds bizarre.. but it does!!!)... and like Cupid has tipped a giant tub of vanilla ice cream over the place!!!!There is something very very ethereal about snow...and the sound of snow falling... if you listen hard,you can hear it falling.. in almost silent thuds...the sound of a white fleece blanket being unfurled on a soft mattress...so clean and starking crisp.And the feeling it brings ... electric and sparky.. the air is so crisp... that it assumes a very physical nature and you feel like you can crush the air between your fingers as would do to starched linen.All you want to do is to curl up on your couch with a cup of steaming coffee.. the heaters on.. all wrapped in a cozy blanket...reading a book (or watching tv for non-readers)...the curtains drawn out for you to take an occasional peek outside...or just take a long warm bath.. soaking in some hot water with lavender bubble bath.... or just be frivolous and run out to play in the snow... making snow men... bombarding each other with snow balls....your cheeks and nose all red and burning after the exercise...hmmmmmmmm....Divine I would say :)

Relations - part 2 - Boyfriend

Well.. I am sure the topic has definitely brought a few 'oohs' and 'aahs' to some people's minds... If you are wondering why I am going into a tangent after my initial post on my brother, all I can say is that I wanted to try my hand at fiction!!!

So what is it that makes opposite sexes attract? For all you may know, you would have studied together in the same school, or have lived together in the same neighbourhood, or have been good family friends for a long time;and then suddenly the same person who was your friend for so long, is very attractive.You find yourself noticing him and want to being noticed by him.All your thoughts revolve around him.And then the best thing happens when you realise he has the same feelings for you..wow...you become officially labelled as girlfriend and boyfriend and life goes on.

Or you have this guy in class who is extremely attractive (only to you..).For the others he is just another normal person.There is something about him that you find intrigued about.He is of the same wavelength as you are and thus both of you end up being in the same group that hang out together.And then something works out; somehow he knows and you know that he knows.... you start being together for most of your time.You meet on weekends, do shopping aka you do the shopping while he waits patiently, watch movies, eat icecream, go for walks, have coffee, and yeah... talk over the phone for hours (gosh.. I almost missed that one out).

Or it might be just that you like someone at work...you do all the crazy stuff that you did in college... and more crazy stuff as well..(ahem.. ahem).

However the feeling of being in a relation and having a boyfriend is unique.Small things seem very important.Doing small things bring the greatest of pleasure.It might be just a walk-date, or just another coffee-date, but you look forward to it with so much enthusiasm and excitement.You speak nonsense and try getting words (yes...the magical words that mean total commitment) from each others mouths.Time seems to fly when you are together and before you realise you are late getting back home and have to cook up some story about late tuitions....Then there are the break ups and all the crying and trying to forget.You wonder why you got into all this.Things that seemed rosy then look ugly now.You swear to yourself that you have had enough with "them' all.You curse him and justify the things that you did.

Then you meet this really interesting guy, who is extremely cute and there it starts again.....

Disclaimer : All the characters above are fictitious and bear no resemblance to anyone living or dead.

Relations - part 1 - Brother.

Question : He is your friend.He fights with you.He NEVER listens to advice.He has irritated you a lot.He is younger to you, yet assumes a seniority position the moment he grows an inch taller than you.He sticks up to you.He is adorable.He shares his secrets with you.

Answer : A younger brother!!!!!

PHASE 1 : The cat and dog fight phase.

I was the cat. He was the dog.We could not stand each other.He was just a year younger to me.We fought and kept fighting.When I recall those now, I can only laugh.My mother finally gave up on being the peace keeper.There were fights for everything - he wanted everything in equal proportion. If I got something, he wanted it.Those days we were in the same school (OH GOD!!!!).I was well.. ahem... the studious kind, who completed the homework, prepared for exams and was the apple of the teachers eye.He never did his homework and was the naughtiest boy in school.He was seen circling the ground or kneeling down in front of the class, much to my annoyance.He was just impossible.And so the fights continued...

PHASE 2 : The sticking up for each other phase.

Both of us were in out teens at almost the same time.This was a period of bliss, as we never used to let each other down. If my dad was having an argument with him, I sided with him and defended him.He used to give his share of extra pocket money for me to spend.He taught me driving and internet.He started confiding in me.We became the best of friends....

PHASE 3 : The BROTHER Supremacy phase.

He shot up overnight I guess.He was just growing each day and with each inch of his height, he matured.He was now my protector.He used to drop me and pick me from tuition classes and kept the "bad guys" at bay.He was overly protective about me.If it was anything I needed, I used to go to him.I still remained his best friend and counsellor, but he was in a sense "elder" now.

PHASE 4 : The separation phase.

Both of us grew and matured into good individuals.It was hard to believe that my brother had become so responsible.He was smart, handsome, intellectual and took things in his stride.Both of us completed our studies and got a job.He went to Bahrain and I went to Chennai.But I always knew he was there for me and he knew that I would be there for him as well.We talk regularly and our bonding has strengthened more.

There are some things in life that are really unexplainable - I guess our relation is one such thing.I have seen my brother metamorphosing right in front of my eyes.The love I have for him is unexplainable...All I can do is close my eyes in a silent prayer of thanks for giving me MY BROTHER.

Rakesh : YOU ARE THE BEST :)